Sunday, October 19, 2003

Word: Genius

Broward was a genius. All the tests said so. From the time he could first read and fill in little bubbles he was subjected to a myriad of them: SAT, ACT, BRT, AFOQT, URET, SHOT, etc. He aced them all.

Broward spoke fluent French, Spanish, and C++. He constructed origami swans and built models of DNA out of headless matches. His favorite show was NOVA, his favorite author was Hawking. In his spare time he built HAMM radios and studied RNA construction on his home computer. Broward was a genius.

Then one day, while Broward lay in his bed, contemplating terminal velocity as it relates to gravity wells and relativistic speed, a thought occurred in the seventeen-year-old's overpowered brain. He needed a girlfriend.

All projects, some of them bearing ramifications on a global scale, ceased as Broward turned his formidable intellect towards the pursuit of women. Years passed as he devoted himself to his subject, investing hundreds of hours in field research.

And when he felt the time was right, that he'd discovered all he might ever learn, Broward published his work – not in a periodical such at the NEJM, nor even the prestigious SAMJ, but in a world renown tome used by men on every inhabited continent of the earth: The Genius's Guide to Getting Laid.

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